Writing and Righting

“Honestly I don’t know what to do.” Quinn said staring deeply into his coffee.

“What do you mean? How could you not know Quinn?” Stephanie asked confused.

“Look, I know it’s wrong. But why can’t I just have sex and not care about the consequences for once?”

“Because she has a fucking boyfriend Quinn. You just got cheated on by your own wife six months ago, and now you’re enabling someone else to do the same thing. You are the asshole your wife left you for.”

Quinn continued analyzing his coffee with great intent. He couldn’t bring himself to look at his best friend. She knew him better than anyone ever had, and he knew it. He knew that for as brilliant as he was, she was his equal, and couldn’t be fooled by the blithe social standards he was trying to adopt. She knew he was better than that, and so did he.

Quinn sighed deeply.

“Steph, I have worked and toiled for the last ten years trying to get the American Dream. All I have done has failed. Everything I thought was right, was WRONG. Why can’t I try a little wrong for once.”

“Because you know that doing the right thing usually sucks. We all want the things we shouldn’t want, or have. You’re an honorable man Quinn. Don’t sacrifice you honor for a piece of ass. It’s not worth it.”

“My honor?” Quinn snapped angrily,  “Have you any idea what my honor has been reduced to? All I have ever done was the right thing. ONLY. And what did it get me? A wife who fucked a human stain, and me moving into my mothers fucking basement because I have nothing left.”

“You have your honor Quinn.”

“Don’t give me that. All I have ever done is what everyone else has told me what is right– and I have FAILED at ALL of it.”

“You haven’t failed with your writing.”

“Yeah because I was the one who wanted that. For the first time ever I started something that I wanted to do and, big surprise, I’m doing great at it. So why do I have to follow everyone’s rules about this? Why can’t I just be selfish for once in my fucking life.”

Stephanie took a minute before responding. She could see the anger building in his face, and she knew it wasn’t directed at her. She knew that he would rope it in, if she would just give him a minute.

“Quinn, it’s your decision. I’m your best friend, and you know I’ll always love you, but I won’t lie to you. I don’t like this path your walking. I’m afraid you’ll lose yourself.”

“Maybe I need to be lost. I wasted all of my twenties chasing something that I was never going to have; destroying everyone in my path. I’m sick of being me. I need to find out who the fuck I am Steph.”

“Ok. I’ll support you sweetie, just don’t expect me to like it.”

Quinn and Stephanie sat in silence for a moment, before she started talking again. She changed the subject quickly as she could see the anger in Quinn’s face turning to sadness. She asked him about his book, and how his writing was going. He felt the awkwardness passing with each sentence. Soon they were laughing and being best friends again.

Later that night Quinn answered his vibrating cell phone; it was Cassie.

“Hey there.” He said quietly.

“Hey sexy, you want to go out tonight?” Cassie asked with a whisper. She must be at home. When she asked if wanted to go out, she meant do you want to have sex tonight.

“Yeah– yeah I do.” His voice was monotone. Stephanie’s face was flashing through Quinn’s mind, but he pushed it to the back.

“Pick me up at 9?”

“9 o’clock. I’ll be there.”